nystatin day 5

We're in the thick of it trying to treat this damn thrush. It really sucks. It's taken me three of the five days to figure out how to get Maya to take her medication (it's banana flavoured - how stupid is that?? I mean if they're going to go to the trouble to make this stuff banana flavoured, why not just make it milk flavoured and save us all the headache??? Ah but I digress...) without projectile vomiting. She HATES it. And I hate giving it to her.

So far I really don't think there's been any improvement, but my husband swears it looks a bit better. Of course, he doesn't look at her all day like I do. I'm giving it until the end of the long weekend (Monday is Canadian Thanksgiving...and I'll be oh so thankful if the thrush is gone by then!) and if there is still negligible improvement, it's back to the doctor with us. Again. Sheesh.

Other than the thrush, things are really going great. We're still struggling to find a daytime routine but it's all good. We'll get there. Maya still has days where she sleeps practically all day and other days where she's awake and ready to party hardy all day. I have a feeling we'll settle into a bit of a pattern when she's around 3 months or so.

Maya's latest tricks:
-squealing with delight
-making all kinds of vowel sounds
-holding her head up when she's being held over my shoulder
-laughing (granted so far we've only had one laugh and it was in her sleep. But still.)

Baby girl smiles all the time and loves to cuddle. She'll pet my face when we're lying in bed together and it's so sweet. She definitely gives mummy the biggest smiles.

I had my 6 week postpartum gynecologist appointment last week. Good news, I healed up nicely. I suspected as much. Now I have to start thinking about birth control. How weird is that? After trying for a baby for so many years and now to think about how to not get pregnant just blows my mind. I think I might go for an IUD after we're done breastfeeding but we'll see. I've got a year to think about it, and besides, that's another post altogether.

It's the Saturday of a long weekend and D is playing with Maya on the floor in the next room. I can hear him singing a silly song to her. Life is good. But I could still do without the thrush.

take that, thrush

We saw the doctor again today, who agreed that the Gentian Violet was not working. At least not very well. Now we are trying Nystatin. Good lord I hope it works. My understanding is that Nystatin is sometimes not very effective, but apparently it is still more effective than Gentian Violet. Here's hoping.

Oops, I wanted to post more but my little princess who was sleeping so peacefully two seconds ago is now on the brink of having a meltdown. Better run!

gentian violet

My doctor prescribed Gentian Violet for the treatment of Maya's thrush. We have used it for almost 4 days now and honestly, I don't see any improvement. I HATE giving it to her. It just seems so toxic. It stains her mouth and lips bright purple and because we're breastfeeding, I know she is swallowing some of it. I was willing to try it in hopes that because Maya's thrush is so mild we wouldn't have to use it for long, but here we are four days later and there really doesn't seem to be any change. I'm feeling so guilty for giving it to her and I want to cry. I know it's commonplace to use this stupid stuff on babies, but I also know that it's known to be carcinogenic, mutogenic and teratogenic. And it apparently tastes awful too. I guess it's back to the doctor with us. I am totally frustrated.

Just when her baby acne is going away, now she's purple. I wanted to take a picture of her all purple and stuff, but my camera just ran out of batteries.

Does anyone out there have any experience using Gentian Violet? Shouldn't it be working by now? I feel sick giving it to her, and it just makes me feel so much worse thinking that all this could have been in vain.

a rush of thrush

First pink eye, now thrush. Yup, Maya and I have thrush - hers is oral and mine is on my nips I'm told, although neither one of us has any symptoms to speak of save for a thin milky coating on the back of Maya's tongue. The good news is the pink eye is totally gone and Maya is unscathed. And as an added bonus, her baby acne is starting to fade as well.

Other than the above, we are all getting along famously. Maya is all smiles these days. Real smiles too, not just the gassy variety. She is old enough to enjoy playing now and I try to set her up on the floor with all her toys every day for at least an hour. We sign and yell and get silly. She loves it.

Our only hurdle has been the gas. Poor baby girl gets so gassy sometimes and you can tell she's just in agony. She so stoic about it though; she never cries. She just looks miserable and kinda yells and grunts in pain. It's really so sad. Our doctor recommended BioGaia, which I picked up today and plan to start using tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. It's made for colic (which Maya certainly doesn't have) but we're hoping it helps with her gassy tummy issues.

I wanted to post more but the little one is awake now and frantically stuffing her fist in her mouth - a sure sign that I better get the boob out pronto. Gotta run!

pink is the new black

Pink is a lovely colour. It is great for donut frosting, cake boxes, ballet slippers, easter eggs and of course, little baby girl stuff. I once coveted a pair of bright pink Converse high tops. Yes indeed, pink is one great colour. Except of course, when it's in your eye. Yup, I'm referring to pink eye.

I awoke this morning to discover that I have pink eye in my right eye. No explanation as to where I could have picked it up. This sucks, not only for the obvious reasons - it itches, it's sore, it's crusty, it looks just awful - but what I'm really worried about is giving it to Maya. All I can do is wash my hands frequently and try not to touch her face too much if it can be helped. The nurse I spoke with said if the cause is viral then she is somewhat protected because my breast milk will make antibodies for her. However, if the cause is bacterial then there is a decent chance she could get it. And as everyone knows, pink eye is pretty contagious. So there's that.

Additionally, in my LEFT eye, I have a big old sty. I freakin' nasty sty just hanging out on my upper eyelid. The sty appeared earlier this week and was almost completely gone until this morning, when it reappeared. Folks, I'm in rough shape. And yet another thing I need to worry about giving to my poor sweet innocent daughter. Great.

Rough times.

In happier news, we finally have the first part of the routine that I'm so desperate to establish down pat. Hopefully the rest will follow slowly but surely. It goes a little something like this:

7:00pm - bath time
7:20pm - a nice long feed
7:45pm - bedtime

I know it's only the beginning, but now that we have the end of baby Maya's day good to go, I'm hoping the rest of the day will sort of fall into place.

Everyone has different opinions about setting a routine for kids. Some say you can't do start one until they are at least 3 months old. Some say 6 months. Some say you can start a routine right at birth. Some say you shouldn't have a routine at all. There are many schools of thought on this.

I am a firm believer in routines. I think having one makes kids feel more confident, because they know what is expected in a day. I also think having a routine promotes calm and peace in a baby's life, not to mention the parents' lives. Of course, you can't be too rigid; situations will naturally come up from time to time that throw a wrench into the day. That is to be expected. But keeping a general semblance of routine, even on the crazy days, makes a lot of sense, at least to my mind.

So yay for the first part of our routine being established!

Speaking of, it's 8:25pm right now, and as per the above, Maya is fast asleep and D is demanding some of my attention. But before I go, I just wanted to add that my poor baby has a horrible case of baby acne. It hit at about 3 weeks and is still going strong. Boo hoo. So in case you were wondering why I haven't been posting any photos lately....

oy vey

Wow, two posts in one week...I am on fire! I have no idea where the time goes these days.

Maya will be one month old on Sunday. Can you believe it? These last four weeks have felt like a blink. While things are going quite well, despite some minor issues (spitting up, gas, etc.), I am struggling with some serious personal inadequacies.

As anxious as I was during the pregnancy, I am plagued that much with insecurities in new motherhood. I am always thinking that I could be doing so much better. I am constantly wondering if I am holding Maya the wrong way, being too rough with her, not engaging her enough, not being patient enough, not giving her enough. I worry when she doesn't sleep enough. I worry when she sleeps too much. Moreover, I am plagued with guilt. As I sat feeding her in the rocking chair this morning the thought ran through my brain that I wished she would go to sleep so that I could get the laundry done and take a shower. Immediately I felt awful for even entertaining that notion, because clearly my priorities are second right now. I shouldn't be wishing my baby would sleep so that I could get my own selfish needs met.

And she really is such a good baby. She barely ever fusses, and anything that she does complain about is generally fixable (hungry, gassy, poopy, tired, etc.). Maya deserves a really great mummy and I spend a lot of the time feeling like I just don't fit the bill. My husband hates it when I say that - he thinks I'm fishing for compliments. But I'm not, really. I just wish I could be a better mum...somehow. I just feel like such a novice.

Every night before I go to sleep, I look over at my beautiful sleeping princess sacked out in the co-sleeper next to me and wish I'd given her a better day. I just want her to be so happy and feel so perfect all the time. She is my whole world. Four weeks along and I'm already wracked with guilt.

I am really getting to be such a jewish mother. My ancestors would be so proud.

gag me with a spoon

I think I have the most spitty-uppy baby in the world. She really has a tough time keeping down her meals. After Maya projectile vomited product of the last three feedings all over the place, I went on the internet and found this article.

I think my baby has a touch of reflux. For the most part, she is a "happy spitter", gaining weight appropriately and not overly bothered by the frequent barfing. I have heard it once said that spitting up is a laundry problem, not a medical problem, and for the most part I agree with this sentiment. But it is discouraging watching the product of my hard-earned breastmilk go flying out of my baby.

The fact that I make tons and tons of milk accompanied by a pretty forceful milk let-down is likely not helping much. I am going to try the suggestions outlined in the article and see if it helps. Either way, I will bring it up with Maya's doctor on Monday and see what she says.

In other news, I went out this morning and officially registered Maya for a birth certificate. Hooray! On my way there, I stopped at Starbucks and got a little something (I was STARVING - I really must start keeping food upstairs). A nice man sitting outside asked how old Maya was. When I told him that she was about three and a half weeks, he said, "Wow! Wheeling around your baby with your coffee already...you make it look so easy!" I had to thank him and correct him: It was nearly noon and I had been trying to leave the house since 8:30am. Nothing is easy - or quick - with a newborn. But I'm glad I give that impression anyway!