signing off

Hey.

Hi there. It's me. Your long lost blog friend.

A dear fellow blogger asked the other day, "Where's Hilary?"

A good question indeed. I haven't updated in a long while and I guess it's because I haven't had much to say of late. That's not to say that nothing's been going on - I've been keeping busy, Maya is growing like a weed, life is being well lived...I'll elaborate more on this in a minute. I just haven't felt the impetus to post. I don't really know why.

I know I have promised you all a sweet new website. I feel kinda stupid here because it's still not done yet. Well, it's about half done. But somewhere in the process of getting things up and running, I lost my sense of purpose. I have a lot to say and a lot of ideas but the truth is, one day I just woke up and didn't have any urge to keep working on my fabulous new website that I was so proud of just the day before. I felt like I lost my voice. I couldn't remember what I was trying to accomplish exactly. I'm still not sure.

So, then I decided to try my hand at writing a book (I haven't actually admitted this to anyone except for D so don't laugh). The book is about how to organize one's living space and my tips for keeping house. But again, the same thing happened. I made an outline and banged out the first few chapters and then just, well, stopped. Inspiration gone.

And that's where things stand now.

Trust, I am still reading all my favourite blogs often - at least a few times a week. I haven't been commenting as much as I used to, and that probably ties in to my lack of general blogging enthusiasm.

I am feeling extremely contented these days. And maybe that has something to do with my lack of creative drive. I feel very satisfied and happy in general and I suppose that may be part of the reason that I'm feeling expressively suppressed. I have nothing all that interesting to say right now. And let's be honest: No one really wants to read about how last week I got a coupon in the mail for free laundry detergent, the fact that I recently switched conditioners, or how I made a large pot of chicken stew earlier tonight and froze half of it. Boring with a capital B. Boring to read and boring to write. My life is great (knock on wood), and I guess that's the trade off.

So all that said, I think I'm going to abandon this blog. At least for a while. I'll definitely be hanging around, reading and checking in on all my bloggy buddies regularly. I'm not really going anywhere. Just stepping back for a bit. Until I have something to say. Until I find my voice again.

So what has been going on my world these days? The quick and dirty:

Maya just turned ONE a couple of weeks ago. How times flies! I totally feel like she just arrived a week ago. We had a big fun party with all her friends and relatives. It was a "Baby Dance Party" theme and I made a giant playlist of disco songs. Maya LOVES dancing and that kid can really bust a move. It was good times.

Maya took her first steps yesterday. It was so fortunate that BOTH D and I were there to see it. She took about 4 steps and then fell. We were so proud, we cheered and she beamed with pride. Adorable. She tried it again a couple of hours later, this time getting 6 steps in before she lost her balance. It was very exciting to witness.

Maya says about 30-40 words now and adds new words to her repertoire every day it seems. Today, she started saying, "Yeah" and "Yes", although I'm not confident she understands the meaning yet. But she does understand more than we think. I was amazed the other day when I asked her to show me her koala, and she picked it up out of a basket of stuffed animals. Then I asked her to show me her frog, and she picked him up too. I went through 5 or 6 toys and she knew them all. She also knows body parts - hands, ear, feet, hair, nose - and can point to them on herself and others, even if she can't say the words. Such a smartypants.

She is a very, VERY picky eater and mealtimes are usually a headache for me. There isn't much she likes to eat and I constantly worry that she's not getting enough nutrition. I must remind myself often that no baby will willingly starve themselves and that she'll eat when she's hungry. And even though I know this, and try not to agonize over her every bite, when she starts tossing her food on the floor piece by piece, I admit that it does add to my frustration. Yet I refuse to give in. I will continue to offer her a variety of HEALTHY foods and I keep hoping that mealtime will get easier eventually. Plus, the fact that she's has a big poo almost every day must mean that she's eating at least something.

I am still breastfeeding this kid as well (on the breast - she's never taken a bottle so we do it the old fashioned way). We've cut the feeds down to only 2-3 a day now; it's working well for us and we both enjoy it. I would like to continue breastfeeding Maya through her second year if possible (maybe only once a day), and I'm taking my cues from her. I never thought I'd breastfeed this long. I used to tout this self-righteous motto that went something like "if a kid is old enough to ask for it, then the kid is too old to breastfeed." How stupid was I? Whatever made me think I knew anything about breastfeeding? All I can say is that when Maya tugs at my shirt and looks up at me with her big, expectant eyes, smiles sweetly and says, "ba-ba? Mama ba-ba?" there is just no way I could possibly refuse.

I love that it's getting easier everyday to communicate with my daughter. She can now verbalize when she's "all done" with something, she can shake her head no, she can point at what she wants. She can even play jokes. This is a very exciting time for me as a parent. Every day just gets better and better.

D and I are doing really great, and we're happier than ever. Now that Maya is one, we have been inundated by family, friends and strangers asking us when we're having number two. Luckily, D and I are on the same page about the answer to this question: at this point, probably never. We're so happy with our life now, we love our happy little family. I love that Maya gets all our attention. And I am savouring motherhood so much now, I really think that another child would change this dynamic from being a lovely and enjoyable experience to just being all around exhausting. We tossed around the idea of another child a few times, but in the end, we just kept coming to the conclusion that we're blissfully happy as things are, and it doesn't make sense to mess with a good thing.

Being a stay-at-home-mum is fantastic, and quite honestly the best job I've ever had. I am embracing my life as a mother and a homemaker and it feels really right. We are loving our new loft, it's the perfect home for us for right now, and I spend most days cheerfully puttering around at home, cooking, baking, keeping house and playing with Maya. I couldn't ask for anything more.

I told you I'm boring! Are you still reading this or did you fall asleep?

So there you have it! My life in a nutshell. If anything exciting happens, or if I ever manage to finish my website (which I'm confident I will, in time) you'll see me pop up again. Or I may just surprise you with an update from time to time. But for now, I'm just going to hang out on the periphery for a while.

But I wouldn't dream of leaving without posting a few recent photos :)

I love this dress. Makes Maya look like an adorable cake.

Maya hearts berries of any kind. They are her passion in life. Needless to say, that white shirt is toast.

My pretty little lady.

There is something about having a baby girl that makes dressing her up so much fun. It's like having a little doll to play with. Maya has a bigger wardrobe than J.Lo, no doubt, and all the hats and accessories to match.

Only one year old and she already has her driver's license!

Love you guys.

Take good care,

Hilary & Maya